Festivals are as much an endurance test as they are a drunken weekend of frolicking to your favourite tunes.  Charukie has some suggestions to help you ensure that you keep some level of humane conditions through your experience...

Food - Embrace the Indigestion
Don't try and take food to make a gourmet meal every night. Just accept that you will be frequenting dodgy smelling burger vans for the duration of the festival, consuming your years allowance of cholesterol, salt and processed meat within that short time. If you are going to do this then I would suggest you take some Rennie or Gaviscon with you, you will probablly experience severe heartburn at some point. If you don't fancy shelling out £5 for a burger, then just take stodgy junk food. You'll be suprised how long you can survive on tesco value custard creams. Baked Beans are just standard. I don't even like them, but they are an absolute festival essential.If you get the ones you open without a can opener then just take a fork and eat them cold straight out of the tin. Good for breakfast.
 

Alcohol and Hangovers- Just keep drinking
Obviously your going to take a good supply of beer. It is by far the most cost effective option. Get premixed drink cans, such as G and T and Vodka and Coke. These are extremely cheap from the supermarket, and offer a much needed alternative to constant beer drinking. Also wine in boxes is quite a good idea, if you drink it in the evening it might even be slightly cold. Also treat yourself to a couple of nice drinks a day, maybe a Pimms and Lemonade from the Pimms bus, or a Mojito here and there.Most important do not get too wasted. Sustain a pace, you dont want to be the loser that voms in a bush and has to be put to bed at 8o'clock while all your mates rave it up till 6 in the morning.
Hangover cure for festivals- Alka-selzers or Berocca is something you could probablly get past security. Paracetemol and Neurofen might get confiscated. You may also find that a nice greasy burger might sort you out. But really the best solution may be the problem itself. It might not hurt to just get straight back on it. Keep a sort of regulated level of intoxication throughout the whole festival and confront the hangover once you've left and you're back home where someone may take pity on you, bathe you and give you a bowl of tomato soup.

Hygiene - Please Brush Your Teeth, and make the most of nature
Get used to the fact that your going to look, smell and feel like a skank at some point. People who attempt some level of hygiene maintainence are admirable, but most people just let themselves go. Do brush your teeth though, I don't care how drunk you are, chatting to somone in a crowd who's breath smells like they've just eaten a lump of poo is not favourable.

Porto-loos- don't bother with these find a friendly looking bush
These are perhaps the most horrendous aspect of the entire experience, and in some instances are enough to put you off going to a festival entirely. Whilst you will probablly need to pee regularly I would suggest if the circumstances are right you avoid the queues, the feaces ridden cubical, and the thigh-tensing hovering over the seat and instead go and use all that nature has to offer. Be discreet and never do it in a lake, river or anything that would be considered festival property. Most importantly, the age old festival dilemma. You've waited all day to see this band/Dj/Act. You've found a spot where you can see, and your not being squished. But you need to pee. Dare you leave you're position to go to a nearby porto-loo? No! If you havent got a She-Wee make sure you bring with you a long cardy or hoody tied round your waist. Stand to the side of the barriers and get a trusted mate to shield you while you relieve yourself. Not always appropriate, and make sure you're not seen by anyone official, but if the sitaution is right it could save a lot of to and fro-ing. Always have Loo roll on you.In terms of the um other excreting need...I would suggest you eat high protein based food, stay away from mints and gum (they have laxatives in them) and try not to eat anything too fibrous and you should be fine.

Stuff- put things in your bra and get a scary looking padlock
Don't take anything valuable obviously. Disposable cameras are good. Don't leave anything in your tent once you've left the campsite. People might toss your tent over and try and steal your stuff, or if you're really unlucky will slash your tent. Girls, I understand that walking around with a big gammy bag could ruin the whole festival chic vibe, so if you dont have a willing boyfirend who will carry all this stuff for you try stuffing money, phone, car keys down pockets, in wellies and socks and the best place of all, your bra, hopefully no one will go there.... Get a massive looking padlock, it may deviate the stealing away from your tent to someone elses. At night put your valuble belongings in a bag and sleep with them under your head.
Essentials apart from all the obvious stuff are rubber bands, like 50 empty carrier bags and plastic cups. Try and take an extra sleeping bag if you think the weather is a bit precarious,yes its extra crap that you have to carry but trying to sleep in a wet sleeping bag is impossible.

A torch, many a time I have tripped over tent leads, falling face down into mud or worse, collapsing into somone else's tent.
Hand sanitiser. Seriously you will end up leaving this festival with either diahorrea or gastorentritis if you dont use alcohol gel to kill of germs before you eat or drink anything.
Take about 10 lighters. Even if you don't smoke they come in handy for everything
 
Orientation
Security - make sure you have put all alcohol into plastic, sometimes gas cannisters are allowed and sometimes they aren't so if you want to cook then check this before hand.
Don't actually make yourself a really strict schedule though, aimless wondering around is always best.
Get there early! other wise the only spot left will be downhill and you'll wake up every day to a river of urine, vomit, spit, drink and other toxic chemicals floating at the door of your tent. Go in the middle and stay away from the aisle's otherwise you will have people tramping near your head all night.
People give away free stuff at festivals. One year Gordon's were promoting sloe gin, and we just drank free g and t for a couple of hours. Other free stuff could be cereal bars, shots, or socks!
Usually there will be welfare tent. Find it. You might get really unlucky and may need to stop off there for blankets, socks, hoodies. There might be a Joe Bannanas who should have most festival essentials if you forget something, but be prepared to pay the price for your disorganisation think £30 quid for a pair of crappy wellies. Don't buy band t-shirts here, get them half price online. No one should have to pay £40 for a shirt with Calvin Harris' face on it.
Sleeping can be difficult if your not at drunken passing out stage. You could take a pillow but it takes up alot of space in the car, and I think sleeping on your clothes in a bag works. Also, I would suggest holding out till maybe 6/7 in the morning and then sleeping till about 1/2pm. It is warmer to sleep during the day and nothing much really happens before 2/3.
Don't try and get to the front - whats the point, its really not that much better. In fact you're continually being rammed against the barriers, the bouncers will be watching you like a hawk, and beacuse you won't be able to get out by walking back through the crowd you will have to be hauled over the front barriers by some burly bouncers in a not particularly glamourous fashion.
In fact, if its not a dj that you're dying to rave to or a headlining band I suggest just finding a patch of grass with some infaltable furniture and taking a distanced view of the mainstage
 
Make friends with randomers
Make friends with people in the tents next to you, offer a cig, or a beer, and maybe they'll keep an eye on your tent, or offer you a cup of tea when all your stuff has got rained on. Don't piss them off, otherwise they will probablly kick your tent over when you've left.
If you get lost - don't waste your whole time trying to look for your friends. If your standing in the crowd you could probably make friends with people next to you. Or, strike up a chat with people in the loo/water/food queue. During the day this philosphy is fine. At night this can be a little dangerous, especially as everyone is highly intoxicated at this point and you could get yourself into a sticky situation without any friend backup.

Fashion - Avoid Trench Foot...embrace the Ponchos
Don't take your Chanel sunglasses. This is why Primark was invented. Denim shorts and loose dresses are also really comfortable when your baking during the day, but never underestimate the power of the ol'jeans and hoody combo for night when your freezing your Cojonas off... Girls don't bother with proper underwear, just take like 5 bikinis with you. This is far easier and if your really desperate then you can whip your top off during the day without looking like a hoe. Long wolly socks to avoid welly rash. If its really hot take stockings or leggings. Hairwise, it will look great the first couple of days, and then resign yourself to putting it up. Luckily the pineapple look is in fashion. If it rains change your socks like 4 times a day, otherwise, you will get gangreen. Fancy dress is sometimes good. If you really make an effort people might love you, and you may get a free can of beer. Embrace the Rain Ponchos!!

Weather- Stop Complaining
Look, we've all been there. You were looking forward to lolling in the sun, and working on you're tan, and next thing you know your so deep in mud you're swimming your way to the mainstage. But really, don't moan, in fact learn to expect a thunderstorm and when its actually sunny you'll be pleasantly surprised! If you really can't deal with the rain, then just go abroad. Benicassim,Eurikeenes or Oxygen. If you really don't fancy camping, try city festivals like Camden Crawl or SXSW.

I had already been to Croatia last summer as I finished off my eurotrip for 2009 with Soundwave festival in July. But as I stepped off the plane in Split, Croatia in September, at the same airport i'd boarded a plane to London at less than two months before.

It actually felt like home and I could not be more excited. I think some places you just fall in love with; it happened to me the first time I came to Manchester and it definitely happened in Croatia. 

   Split is an amazing city and the perfect location to catch ferries out to islands, which costs about a tenner return. Bargain. So we landed in Split on the 2nd September with absolutely no idea how to get to the Island of Pag, to reach our Outlook Festival destination.

All we knew was that it was pretty damn far and that you could drive rather than taking a boat because of a bridge over the sea leading to it. After waiting with about ten other festival go-ers off our plane for a bus to the nearest city, it began to get dark and no buses were coming.

Luckily, a nice man in a huge cushy looking van rolled up and offered to take us the whole way to Pag for 15 quid each, so all we clubbed together off the plane and were on our way to Outlook for some crazy beach dub step fun.

  It's fair to say we might not have made it to the festival in time without this lovely random croatian man, who let us play Skream's 'watch the ride' full blast on the journey through the Croatian mountains; definitely a sick start to the weekend.  

When we finally arrived at our destination about three hours later, it was pitch black and we realised that the camp site was a good mile walk from the main road, which was another mile to the festival venue. This was definitely a down side to the festival as it made going back and forth extremely long and tiring in the heat. 

Nevertheless, we kept our spirits up, deciding to camp together, going on a mission to find some good grass to pitch our tents on. Oh wait a minute….no grass? pure rocks, my friend. To be honest sleeping on rocks wasn't as bad as i thought it would be (being absolutely smashed when finally falling to sleep helped with this), it just made pitching a tent pretty difficult, but also quite hilarious as the wind kept blowing people's tents away. Aside from that, the campsite was perfect, loads of nice people, a cheap shop for beer and essentials, nice showers, toilets and a reasonably cheap restaurant.

  One of the things I loved about Outlook festival was the difference between day time festival chillin' and hardcore night time. The venue was unbelievable, middle-of-nowhere paradise. When you walked into the venue you were greeted by the 'pool party' area, which consisted of a swimming pool fitted with two poles slap bang in the centre, surrounded by massive speakers so you never missed a tune when going to the bar.

Just to your left was a massive beautiful Croatian beach and view of Croatian mountains. Perfectly clear water, although, compared to when I was there in July when the water temperature was perfect, the water was pretty cold to swim in.

Up the stairs and on your left was the best chilled area; a massive wooden deck covered with beanbags and tables, the best place to chat shit and roll up in-between skanks…..or sleep, I saw a lot of people asleep there.

 To the right of this deck was the 'night club' which was a massive glass cased room, with a raised DJ booth which you could climb up on and loads of tables and chairs to skank on too. Out the back was the live stage, a massive pit with balconies to get up on and bars surrounding. Drinks were pretty damn cheap and there was a shop and pizza place open in the venue all day and night , which definitely saved us. 

      The first night was good but i got too drunk too quickly after watching Mungo's hi-fi and Iration Steppas kill it with their back to back DJ sets in the night club and I didn't make it to watch Headhunter at 4.

However, day two blew my mind. The sick thing about Outlook was that a lot of people played two sets, so if you missed someone or you had a clash, you could catch them the next day. Day two saw Sukh Knight dropping Ganja dub VIP followed by Stenchman, who opened with next hype and sent the crowd mental. I've possibly never seen a DJ go as mental as Stench behind the decks, he was basically climbing the walls. 

   The atmosphere in the night club was one i can't even explain, the best night out; great tunes and the crowd was really up for it. The soundsystem was the best i've ever, ever heard. The club was always packed out with absolutely everyone going crazy. Sexy girls in bikinis and topless sweaty boys raving on every possible table or chair. The crowd was full of people there for the music and no one caused any shit like at some raves.

 Next was N-type, hilarious as always, holding two vinyl in the air and jumping up and down. N-type was playing again the next day, so we ran off to the live stage to watch Gentleman's dub club play one of the best sets i've heard in my life. 

If you've watched the Outlook video, you'll have seen a clip with the entire crowd jumping up and down to some crazy trumpets, that was Gentleman's dub club and it was unbelievable. Another highlight was Submotion orchestra who played a chilled set outside whilst the sun was setting.

Day 3 was hardcore, with acts such as Quest, Hatcha and Cluekid playing from 6pm, so we got ready for a late one. Highlights of the night were Iration Steppas live at the outside stage who we had a nice blaze to, listening to them playing the most beautiful up beat dub. 

 We got to hear the first ever performance of 'general' live, which is an absolute tune. This was followed by Mala and St Pokes. Mala reloaded spongebob 3 times, what a legend, as well as dropping Distance's remix of Changes, which had the entire crowd singing the chorus in an epic wave.

   Sunday now and we couldn't stop talking about how good the day before was, we thought it couldn't be topped. We spent most of the day chilling on the campsite before making it to D-Bridge and Instra:mental at 5pm. Then outside for some hip-hop with Manchester's very own Broke'n'English warming everyone up and then the mighty Zion Train.

This was followed by a mental night of Joker, who debuted 'Tron' and it got reloaded about 70 times then rinsed by every DJ for the rest of the weekend. Joker was followed by Plastician, Silkie, Spectrasoul and Alix Perez. Phew.

 Another one of the best things about Outlook was that the DJs were all there on holiday too, so they all wander around all night getting drunk just like the ravers. At one point i remember having a dance and realising i had Mala and Kromestar in front of me, Sukh knight to my right and Stenchman to my left.

I also spotted all of these lot having a laugh with a table full of massive cocktails later on. I also experienced Joker nearly running me over on a scooter before asking me if i'd seen Kutz anywhere, which was interjected by N-type shouting 'You're gonna bloody kill yourself before your set boy!'

  Overall, if you can't tell from my enthusiasm, Outlook festival was one of the best weekends of my life. Croatia is one of the most beautiful places in the world and the vibe was mind blowing. I've vowed when i return this year not to be 'that' person, who stands around complaining that 'this is just like, nowhere near as good as last year, this festival's changed', etc etc, but the crowd and scene has changed a lot over the last year, so I am slightly sceptical of how good it's going to be.

Also it has relocated this year to the island of Pula, taking place instead in an abandoned fort, which does look amazing and resembles Exit festival in Serbia, which is a whole other crazy experience The camp site this year is a five minute walk from the venue,

so they've solved that problem and hey, don't worry if you have to sleep on rocks, it's worth it.

Soundwave Festival 2009 Hoya Hoya Boat Party

Below is a small extract from my experience of the Soundwave festival last July...


Petercane (Pet-er-chan) Sunday 8pm the 19th July 2009

“We arrived at the dock way early as we had foolishly forgotten to buy tickets and were hoping that we could squeeze on if we smiled really nicely. It was the last boat party of the festival and everyone was going on about how amazing they were, including the two girls we just met who were having a wee in the sea and gleefully telling us about how incredible the Trojan boat was that just came back into harbour.

After some anxious moments seeing everyone get on before us to see if there was any room left, we jammily got on the boat and set sail at about 8 o'clock. This was perfect timing as the Croatian sun was soon to bun into the sunset over the Adriatic Sea.  As soon as we stepped aboard the boat, the good mood swam through everyone. The late sun goldening the outreaching smiles on everyone's faces and immortalising the moment forever in a sweet vision. That night, me and my bezzie party buddy Gemma knew we wanted to get drrrrrunk! not because we needed to at all (the experiences of Soundwave festival are out of this world you can experience whole new levels without even touching a drop of alcohol or pointless pills n shit) But we were feeling the sunshine holiday vibes and were happy to allow the endorphins and senses to flow freely. However, as some fellow boat party go'ers may remember, the drinks operation could've worked more smoothly. We spent a good hour que dancing round the boat to Jonny Dub's set, but we soon got over it and two doubles of milky tasting vodka later we were back! Under the awning, on the main deck, I was getting my whole, sincerely yours, dub and skank on to Ryan's (Illum Spheres) super sick set! My heart was high and happiness couldn't be shook. After some intense holiday vibe dancing, I soon attracted the attention of some new era cap guy behind me, I had no interest in him but enjoyed the dancing all the same- after all he was the drinks pushing in guy, and I'm not down with that. Above all though, music and dancing completely united the 60+ revellers on that special evening. Everybody's faces were so warm and delighted, I felt as though I could've exploded with happiness that night! Chunky was on top form and got the crowd wired and all on one level with “INCOMING!!!” at this point everybody ducked, and covered their heads with their hands makin a “woaaaahhhhh” sound- despite the jam packed deck/dancefloor. “Hoya Ahoy!” (nice one Danny Drive Thru) and “Boat party, boat party boat!” also worked up the party collective. When the boat party came to an end, a blissful four hours later, Manchester pride filled the boat...”

“OH MANCHESTER, OH MANCHESTER, OH MANCHESTER IS WONDERFULLLLL...”

see you there ;)

It is Kendal Calling's 5th Birthday, and they have pulled out all the stops revealing an absolutely cracking line-up in true birthday celebration style. For all you DnB and Dubstep heads, headliners include the likes of High Contrast, Plump Dj's, Danny Byrd, Emalkay, Dub Pistols and more. For all you indie kids enjoy the likes of The Doves, The Coral, Wild Beasts and British Sea Power whilst sipping a cold beer to a backdrop of open pastures and green fields.
 
So get in tune with nature and deep bass at Kendal Calling, tickets are an absolute steal and just £85 for a weekend pass with a special freakeasy on the Thursday which can be purchased at just £20 for weekend ticket holders. Also take the stress and hassel out of travel, Big Green Coaches are available to cover travel there and back, making the ticket and travel a cost effective £100 pounds for three days of madeness and mayhem. What's more Kendal Calling is flying the green flag for festivals, as a tree will be planted for every coach filled.
 
So get on it : The Festival is from Friday 30th July - Sunday 1st of August 2010. Special Freakeasy on Thursday 29th July. Tickets can be purchased at  www.ticketline.co.uk or check www.kendalcalling.com for direct ticket sales and a list of local ticket outlets
Big Green Coach: Coach travel & festival ticket from £100. Coach travel from £15. 18 departure locations. http://www.biggreencoach.co.uk/kendalcalling
Direct Tickets:      www.kendalcalling.com

 Steroid happy muscle-men with bad haircuts, orange girls with fake nails in neon bikinis dancing away to the musical love child of Euro-dance and grime?Welcome to the terrible world of Donk music.
 
Donk music has been a growing institution in recent times, having moved from complete obscurity in areas such as Bolton and Wigan, to getting limited media attention from several underground music publications. When I first heard about Donk, the most talked about aspect was not its ridiculous name, or the true horror of the music itself, but that fact that it had literally taken over the the youth culture of several north-western cities. My journalistic self smelt a musical phenomenon, and it was high-time to investigate what all the hype was about...
 
One of the most important rules I adopt as a writer is never pretend to understand something you know nothing about - so in that sense Donk music was a particular challenge. Firstly Donk is born and bred in north-western cities - an area that presents itself as an extreme enigma to me - my geographical knowledge of the North-West being limited to Fallowfield, Oxford Road and The Arndale Centre. Indeed I am guilty, like most of us, of being trapped in a student bubble, ignorant of any native culture. So to understand Donk, was to understand its roots in these north-western cities, the culture that it comes from and see it as a fundamental northern institution like Coronation Street or Vimto...
Secondly, Donk seems to born out of happy-Hardcore, euro-dance music - scenes I know absolutely nothing about, they having reached their peak around the same time I was running around calling myself posh spice.
 
Donk music producers themselves would call the sound 'bouncy house' - a more upbeat or 'bouncy' form of house music (think BassHunter, or those German freaks Scooter). So, I took a gander through some youtube video and found Donk super-stars 'Black-out Crew's Donk music video 'Put a Donk on it'. I gathered from the response it generated that this song was the big daddy of all Donk music tracks - the Donk music anthem. The video itself features a bunch of guys in a studio putting together a Donk track. The main MC guy repeatedly asking the producer to 'put a donk on it; - Thus this lead me to the great question of Donk...just what does it mean to put a donk on it?
 
The 'Donk' sound itself is almost onomatopoeic in quality - a hollow, tinny noise which literally sounds like someone bashing a drainpipe repeatedly against a brick wall. A Donk song is made by overlaying this offensive noise over techno tracks -replacing the traditional vocals with rapping - hardly a musical feat worthy of the revolutionary effect it has achieved in north-western youth.
 
So what are these Donk fans actually like? who are they? where do they come from? and what do they represent?
 
 For Donk guys, there are some basic requirements; most importantly, an extreme fetish for sportswear. This must be worn at all times of day. The reason for this, I can only assume is to accommodate for a possible impromptu gym workout. Indeed these guys look like they workout regularly, with muscles so big they could turn your head to sawdust with one punch. Hair must be generally shaven. There can be some deviation from this, but you must wear a hat - preferably a baseball cap. If you want to look really cool, then shave off the sides and leave the top long. Lots of gel to comb everything down is also good.
 
Girls - you must be fake-tanned within an inch of your life - this I understand could be expensive so bathing in a bath of tango might also do the trick. Fake hair extensions, fake nails and make-up that would make Jordan look natural. You must be scantily dressed, ignoring general dress rules such as - if you show boobs, then cover ass - something neon on your person at all time is a must.
 
 
To get your Donk music, then you only need to go to Power Records in Bolton the only record store in the nation to sell only Donk Music. Listening to donk music generally takes place at youth-clubs and bus stops - never play donk tracks on an ipod or mp3 player, it must always be blaring at top volume from a mobile phone.
 
The Donk music hotspot, where all the best Donk nights are, and where you can catch a show with your favourite Donk star is the eternally glamourous Wigan Pier. In my musical opinion (which lets face it counts for virtually nothing) Donk music is about as favourable as that morning after tinnitus headache that can only be cured with effervescent aspirin. However these crazy Donk loving cats down at Wigan pier lap it up like milk in a saucer. Here, Donk is celebrated all night long with euphoric dancing, fellow clubbers advising each other to 'ave it' - recreational drug abuse and excessive drinking of wkd blue.
 
 
Naturally, anything submerged in working class culture, is subject to the usual bout of ridicule from middle class southern superiority with many music publication dismissing the donk scene as working class chav crap. So, whilst its easy for me for me to  sit here at criticise the  many (many) things wrong with Donk music, there is  something very right with it. Whilst it may be an exclusive culture which some of us may find hard to understand and appreciate, what is in fact most important about Donk is the fact that is in home grown music that comes from somewhere real, and functions as a true representation of the youth culture it influences. Whilst this may not be everyone's cup of tea, at least these Donk fans can say that their idol grew up in a street just like them, rather than glorifying big stupid American Rap stars who talk about things that are completely irrelevant to a 14yr old kid from Bolton. Also, Donk music exists outside of mainstream culture, and whilst its a scene that is not appreciated by the coolest of the cool, at least Donk stars aren't pathetically kissing the asses of The NME or radio 1, trying to get themselves recognition.
 
So even though I would rather plunge 900 feet to my own death than ever put a donk on anything , the best thing about it is that Donk music functions and sustains itself within its own world - donk stars do it for themselves and their fans only, and couldn't really give a shit what anyone else thought.

Right, so I like music and I like Spain.  Beaches however, are overrated.  So therefore understandably I went to Benicassim two summers ago unsure whether i'd be jumping for musical joy or throwing up all over my Sangria flavoured ice lolly.  Well the good news is I did neither of these.

Like many of my fellow journeymen my holiday started with my arrival at the airport of Barcelona.  A pleasant flight followed by an equally pleasant train journey took me to Sants train station, as seen in millions of skate vids and not so many tourist guides.  Here unfortunately is where the trip takes a fateful turn readers. 

As I put my bag down between my legs to purchase my metro ticket, a man signals to me, asking for directions in Spanish.  'Yes!' I think, a chance to use my Spanish.  I answer his question and suddenly I feel my gut turn inside out.  I look to where I was stood and my hand luggage has gone. 

My 200 euros in my wallet, my 5 favourite t shirts in the whole world, my Robinson Crusoe book with only 20 pages left to go, and last but not least, my precious Ray Bans.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, then next 12 hours consisted of this- wandering round Barcelona at one in the morning trying to find a police station.  Spend an hour trying to explain to them what happened.

Get to my hostel at 3 in the morning with no money, finally lets me in when I show him my police report.  Wake up, get dad to wire me 200 euros to get to Beni, spend the first 100 on some Ray Bans and only just afford the bus journey to the festival.

When you get there, my word! It may be a festival in Spain but it's full of freakin Brits.  The only Spanish people I saw spent their time getting pissed outside the gates whilst listening to the music for free. 

Most people including myself arrive 5 days before the music starts, spend their days on the beach and their nights getting drunk and sloping into the tent at sunrise for a precious 2 hours sleep. 

On the second night I was regaled a story of a burning Piano on the beach, being taunted by drunken youths, dancing around it and shouting Kings of Leon songs at the top of their lungs, knowing full well the piano's hatred of that sort of music.  For one particularly fervent King's of Leon fan this was not enough though. 

He decided to leap over the burning piano, a physical symbol of the dominance of one genre of music over another.  Our poor friend Yamaha the Piano had his revenge mind.  The erratic leaper managed to only get halfway across, resulting in 3rd degree burns and an emergency plane flight home before he heard a single band play.  Apparently to this day, the piano can still be heard chuckling to himself- 'Yamaha ha ha' he softly repeats.

Beni is the life of a 1st class hobo my friends, and how glorious it is.  As long as you don't mind queuing for the shower the day before you plan to have it.  If you're not careful you may end up in what's known to Beni stalwarts as the 'shower spiral' where you spend your whole time trying to catch up on the shower you missed yesterday, because you spent your whole time queuing so you could have a shower today. 

This nightmare scenario gets more and more extreme until eventually you start to love your 'Stig of the Dump' style and you spend the rest of the festival at the euro pop tent where you know no one else will bother you.

Just about the time you get bored of counting the number of fake wayfarers on the beach, the music begins on the friday night.  Its a beautiful half an hour walk spent downing vodka before you get to the gates, hoping you'll stay drunk enough to get through the night without spending 5 euros on a beer. 

The music is always a mixed bag at Beni, there were some great big bands like Leonard Cohen, Sigur Ros and and My Bloody Valentine.  Combine that with some awesome lesser known bands like Battles and El Guincho and you know there's always a band on to suit your mood.

A particular fond memory for me was Justice followed by Hot Chip, I've never felt happier to dance against a crowd full of equally pasty torsos and feel the music tingle.
I learnt a few things about music here.  Silent discos are a really shit gimmick- who wants to dance to a different beat than everyone else?! 

The Raconteurs are the tightest band I've ever seen.  Gnarls Barkley is really crap live but really popular in Spain.  Oh, and Morrissey loves to complain about stuff.

If you like beach holidays but get bored of sunbathing after a while, go to Benicassim.
If you want to experience different cultures go somewhere else- its full of British uni students.
Buh Bye.

SHhhh! encompasses everything from clothing and art, to DJs and bands. Example magazine caught up with Sam Harrons, the of creator of SHhhh! to talk about his influences and how it all started.

Example: So first of all where are you based and how has this influenced you?

Sam: We are based in Norwich but it all began in my hometown Great Yarmouth, a typical seaside town filled with a lot of arcades, a bunch of chip stores and too many pound shops. Its tacky but I love it for it.

Yarmouth has influenced me in many ways but it wasn’t until I started uni and moved to Norwich I realized it. Yarmouth has a lot of heritage, was big in the fishing industry and it also has the market which is packed out with proper Norfolk folk selling their shit. I suppose growing up amongst these market traders has rubbed off on me in some ways and now I quite like idea of having my own store. Online shopping just isn’t the same. I want to meet the customers and chuck in some cheeky deals the old fashioned way, have a laugh and a chin wag. Leave them walking away with smile as well as a bag of goods, not just an email from paypal to confirm your order.

Example: What made you want to start your own clothing brand?

Sam: I never intended to create a clothing brand. It kind of just happened.
My mum got me a book on street art. It really inspired me to move my arse and start making work of my own; I started by just making the logo to sign my work with. I then began making home made stickers, which found their way onto every bus stop, college door, window and teachers mug in the area. I liked the idea of tagging my logo around everywhere but didn’t really have an end goal for it. It soon caught on and people were talking about “the mysterious SHhhh! Bubble” I discovered the power of guerilla marketing!

I then made a few t-shirts for me and friends, that’s when it all kicked off. Its been a very natural and un-forced process. I like the feeling of running my own business, not having some crazy arse boss telling me what to do. Knowing its all me feeds the drive to make it happen.

Example: SHhhh! seems to represent a lifestyle, as it encompasses clothing, music, and art. Are these things you are particularly passionate about?

Sam: The whole idea of SHhhh! now is to create a range of clothing, artwork and music for young people to enjoy no matter what scene their into. I hate all this stereotyping and categorising. Chavs, emos, goths, skaters etc. Its all bullshit. We are all human!

Over the last 2 years SHhhh! has grown into a strong family of artists, designers, musicians, photographers, film makers etc. All with very different styles and sounds. The aim of this is to create such a wide variety of clothing designs, events and tunes that there will be something in there for everyone.
I am passionate about the brand as a whole and each individual artist is passionate in his or her area or work. We are merging together, feeding off each others ideas and drive to create one big salad of creativity!

Example: What’s next for the brand?

Sam: Well at the moment we are working on the new line for summer, a new website and a magazine / catalogue which show cases all the clothing, artwork, latest news and artists interviews etc.

We are currently stocking in 5 local boutiques and plan to approach stores and galleries all around the UK once we have a full range ready to roll.
We regularly support club nights and run our own from time to time so will continue these messy nights of dirty dub step and sweaty students all summer long!

Plan on holding some exhibitions and possibly doing some community work, art workshops and visits to schools, colleges to do talks and inspire the next generation!
Will be making appearances at a few festivals this year, not sure which ones yet but will keep any news posted on the blog.

Other than that we are just going to keep going with the flow, having a good time with it and slapping SHhhh! stickers all over the world!

Sam Harrons – Creator of SHhhh!

www.shhhhclothing.com - Under construction

http://shhhhblog.tumblr.com/ - The blog

http://shhhhclothing.bigcartel.com/ - The online store

Manchester's Dub Phizix seems to be popping up a lot at the moment.  His track "The Editor" Which features Strategy of Broke 'n' English is due for release on Marcus Intalex' Soul:r imprint, it is currently doing damage on dancefloors all over the world and his tunes are popping up in the sets of some of DnBs biggest names. We caught up with him to find out what is going on at the moment...
        

Example: So how did you start producing?

Dub Phizix: I've played guitar since I was really young, I played in bands in school but we were shit. I eventually got into Hip-hop and found I could make it with 2 tape decks and a box of records. Long story....Again, that was shit but it got me interested.
Eventually, through Hip-hop I got into D&B by which time I had started using the computer to make loops. I left school at 16 to go and do a Music tech course at City college Manchester where I was taught how to use a Sampler, Synths and Cubase. By now I had decided that D&B was for me and I' spent every waking hour in and around the colleges studios, mithering the techs and generally making a nuisance of myself. Eventually the 100% software studio became a reality and was a much more affordable solution. From then I started building up my own rig and I've been buried in the studio ever since.

Example: How would you describe your sound in 3 words?

Dub Phizix: Deep. Dark. Grooveclaart.

Example: Who are you influences?

Dub Phizix: Photek, Calibre, Dillinja, Digital, MIST,  Kemal and Rob Data,
A Tribe Called Quest,  Wu Tang,  Gravediggaz, The Beatles, The Stone Roses, The Yardbirds, The Who, Erykah Badu, Jill Scott,  D'Angelo, Dwele, Brian Blade, Mose Allison, Nina Simone, John Coltrane. I could go on all day here....I've probably taken a bit of influence from everything I've ever listened to.

Example: What producers are u feeling at the moment?

Dub Phizix: I'm really into what Sabre is doing. His new album is really good.  Also into S.P.Y, Triad, Synkro and Indigo and Spectrasoul, "I was 10" Is a damn fine piece of music
Then the guys I'm working with; Genotype, Skeptical Chimpo. All 3 make really good tunes and do things I'd never think of doing. Working with people like that keeps you on your toes. They never fail to inspire me.   Other than that, the people who are on the Example Magazine mix ive done. I tried to make it  cover the artists who I think are doing D&B best in 2010. Artists like DBR, Gremlinz, and Flatliners who have got a great sound going on. Look out for a collabo later in the year.  Also really into what a few of the smaller labels are doing. Especially Translation and Broken Audio at the moment. I think both have a great future ahead of them.


Example: Where do you stand on the vinyl digital debate?

Dub Phizix: I think there's arguments for both. My heart tells me vinyl. But my head tells me digital.  Vinyl sounds better and generally feels better to play. There's also the history and nostalgia connected to records. Going to Eastern Bloc and buying new records and itching to get home to play them. I can't remember the last time I did that.
   Also having your tune on vinyl is a big moment for any producer. My first was a tune I made with`Hylyf [who is on the mix] we paid the guy and met him 3 hrs later in Apollo car park to pick up the plate. That was a long 3 hrs.

I think MP3s were a double edged sword for the music industry. They opened up the door for easy file sharing and effectively brought the industry to its knees. The most worrying part as a musician is the fact that many young people see music as something which is free. I think that has a knock-on effect on the quality of the a lot of music.

 On the other hand, MP3s make life much easier and generally speed up the whole process of sending, receiving, promoting and playing music. Especially with Serato.
I receive tunes via AIM on the same laptop I use to DJ. The laptop is also networked to my studio computer so I send my tunes straight across to it both for Djing and sending to other people. I can't remember the last time I burned a CD

Doing my bit for my carbon footprint and shit


Example: What else is on the cards for 2010?

Dub Phizix:  There's tunes on Soul:r, Creative Source, Nu Directions and Translation.  Remixes for Utah Jazz, Sonic and Silver and Chimpo and collabs with DRS, Jenna G, Skeptical, Genotype Flatliners and Chimpo. Also djing in various places. More info on my website www.dubphizix.com.

http://www.dubphizix.com

http://www.myspace.com/dubphizix

http://www.soundcloud.com/dubphizix

http://www.twitter.com/dubphizix

Thursday the 6th of September marked the first day of my Bestival experience on the Isle of Wight. Naturally, Mother Nature decided that the weekend I got to the festival I had been waiting all summer for, would be a time to unleash the British Monsoon.

Ironically, the theme for this years fancy dress theme was 30,000 Freaks Under The Sea - this saw adult men and women prancing around in homemade costumes of various sea-life creatures.

It was a sight to behold. The grounds literally resembled thousands of giant sea creatures swarming around in knee-deep watery mud - an aquarium at the world's most fucked up Zoo. Whilst I would love to say I participated in this affair, I just really couldn't be bothered, and stuck to normal festival fashion; wellies and worn-out denim.
 
When we entered the grounds it was apparent that the festival organisers had not accounted for any possible rain showers. Literally, everything and everyone was sinking in mud. It was safe to say that I was not pleased. Dreams of strolling around in flip-flops and sunbathing with a cold beer in hand were slipping rapidly away.
 
So. First challenge. Make it to the campsite. Unfortunately for us, it was positioned at the other end of the site, not so conveniently placed on the top of a massive hill. Glancing up, I could see fellow welly-clad, mud-caked festivalers grappling up the slippery mud-mass. The Hill quickly became known as slippy hill - for obvious reasons.

You make it all the way to the top, only to fall on your ass and slip all that way back to the bottom. Not fun. Very time consuming.
 
Second Challenge - make it past the throng of creepy, albeit spirited drug sellers. Rejecting the usual subtle drug selling techniques, they take the hard sell approach, practically forcing dodgy looking pills down our throats. 

My personal favourite, some manic looking girl who kept following us around asking us if we wanted laughing gas. Err...no thanks love, I do not want to end up looking like you. I mean, I know its a festival and all, and lets face it - hygiene standards do fall, but seriously you look like you've been rolling around in shite for three weeks, not good considering the bloody festival hasn't even begun...
 
After having managed to peel the substance abuse victims off of ourselves, we managed to make it to the camp-site for the processional tent-raising. Well, my contribution involved sitting on an upturned pot holding a torch, but you know, these things are better left to men...
 
Next day it was usual business, day drinking, wandering round, eating crap and exploring various  different tents. However, night-time comes and it was a decided trek down to the mainstage. Frustratingly we only manage to catch the end of Foals.

But then, a long wait out for Pendulum who were definitely worth the wait. Just as I was getting into it, some ass-hole next to me starts throwing his little glow sticks around, a couple of which burst resulting in a large blob of glo-paint landing on my face causing an extreme burning sensation.

Thanks mate, I know you're probably off your cake and all but there's no need to start spraying everyone with toxic substances. Getting concerned my skin was starting to fall off, I was just about to push my way out of the crowd wen I  was saved by my previous sworn enemy - rain, whose showers washed all painful residue away.

Burning face cured we danced our way through the rest of the set.
 
Next day and round two of day drinking. By this point I had ditched the beer and reached the height of classiness, glugging down can after can of pre-mixed tesco G and T. No improvement in weather, only more grey skies and rain.
 
That night we thought we would return to the mainstage to see if Amy Winehouse would actually make it through the set or collapse in a heap on the stage floor. She managed some effort, but after about half an hour mumbled a few words and stumbled off amid a chorus of boos. I was relieved. Enough with the train wreck please.

The rest of the evening was involved random stumbling in and out of tents. At some early hours of the morning there was a large swarm towards one of the tents to see Sugar Hill Gang. Not fancying being crushed to bits by a drunken crowd we took a wander round to a tent called Club Dada.

At the back of the crowd I could make out some red haired woman on this tiny stage - she I was later was to discover was Florence and The Machine. She was singing You've Got The Love just as we walked in. Whilst it may be a tedious over-played track now, at the time I was convinced that her rendition was the best thing I had ever heard. The atmosphere in the tent was so chilled out and relaxed, everyone taking a moment to awe at her incredible voice.
 
Sunday night arrives and we are officially done with the mainstage, its time to get to the good stuff. First stop - Bollywood Bar, for a quick breaks fix. After some aggressive elbowing we managed to find a small corner to dance in.

However, fearing death by asphyxiation, we chicken out and leave, not bothering to stick around for organiser Rob Da Banks set. cba with that, we were in desperate need of air that had not been previously recycled by through 50 people..
 
Next Morning and time to hit the road. We didn't waste any time getting the hell out of the festival site which now looked like a bomb had exploded at a dumping ground. The hangover naturally made everything worse, and I was in the foulest mood, moaning about anything I could possibly think of, much to the joy of everyone else.

I literally felt as if I had taken a bath in a pig sty and had mud encrusted in places I didn't even know existed. My hair was in such a state I thought I would have to shave it off as it would never recover. My mind wandered to laughing gas girl, she probably looked like Cheryl Cole in comparison to the state I was in.
 
One word to sum up my bestival experience. Random. In every sense. Random in the sense that you wake up in the morning to some grown man next you getting into a life sized octopus costume, and random in the sense that we didn't have a plan and literally just wondered about anywhere and everywhere in search of something good.

French producer and dj Von D burst onto the UK dubstep scene last year, with his tune 'Show me' featuring Phephe becoming one of the biggest hits of 2009. If you haven't heard this, where have you been for the last year? A year onwards, Von D's music is growing strong, with releases on Boka records , Argon, Soul Jazz, Black Acre, Subbalicious and Lutetia Dubz. After his amazing set at Manchester's very own Hit & Run in February, example was lucky enough to catch up with him and talk beats, travelling the USA, nicknames and condiments….

Example: When did you start producing?

Von Dizzle: I started producing when i was 16. My first set up was at a friend's house in my hometown Cergy in France, It transformed into a studio with 10 people inside all day making beats on hardware, using S1000/Analog synth/atari midi controller etc … I feel like i'm an alien here, so It made me feel more relaxed and free about producing music,  I learned a lot of things during this period. I love my town, it's very inspiring for me as it's very multicultural and nobody here really knows electronic music, I mean they know it but only the mainstream part of it.

Example: Were you producing music before you starting making Dubstep?

Von D: Yeah, I was producing at my friends place because I was too poor to buy hardware equipment!

Example: Who would you say has influenced your sound?

Von D: I'm influenced by a lot of different types of music, but in terms of electronic music without any doubt I would say Dillinja has been a major Influence for me. The first Photek album "Modus Operandi" was a shock for me in 97 and also the French House Producer Pepe Bradock is another major influence… but by the way theres too many people to mention … 

Example: How would you describe your sound?

Von D: I can't describe it, the only thing i can say is that I'm making music that i love .

Example: What can we expect from Von D in 2010?

Von Dizzle: Some fresh music and feelings. The most important thing  i'm working on at the moment is my album for Argon. I have a lot of releases on different labels but Mainly on Argon, Black Acre, Subbalicious, Lutetia Dubz , Boka , Disfigured Dubz etc etc

Example: What producers are you listening to at the moment?

Von D: Hard question … I try to listen other types of music so I don't feel bored with dubstep, but in the dubstep scene i like to play tracks by; Mr lager , Jay Kenzo , Dj Madd ,Harry Craze, Quest , Phaeleh , Joker , Noah D , 12th Planet , Matt U , Malilone , Gemmy , Mensah , Absurd , Funkethics , 501 , Vivek , Nibe , Riskotheque ,Dogboy,Mr casual , Niveau 0 etc … too many to mention

Example: What is the dubstep scene like in France?  

Von D: The scene is growing so fast, all the people are so nice here, it's cool because everybody knows everybody and the people are very friendly. 

Example: You've collaborated with DJ Madd on two tracks - what was that like?

Von D: It was very nice to work with him, he's the kind of person i like to work with. Everything is so cool and flowing with him, we've done a 12" for Boka (out now) we also have another 12" coming out very soon on another label so keep an eye on it. I also love to make music with riskotheque.

Example: What do you think of the manchester music scene?

Von D: I think there is a massive and beautiful scene here, when i played at the Hit and Run night it was so massive. It was the best gig i have done in the UK along with Brighton and Bristol. I would love to send a massive big up to Mr Rich reason :-)

Example: Where do you see the genre going in the next few years?

Von D: I'm not a medium but I really feel positive about it . I think it will become more and more diverse, which is a good thing.

Example: Do you like Marmite?

Von D: Haha. I wonder how a company can produce something like this and how people can eat it! The first time i saw Marmite was in Bristol and after opening the jar I thought it was a rotten product, but it was not loll.

Example: What tune can't you live without?

Von D: Junie Morrison - Nagual's Theme

Example: What's your favourite tune you've ever made?

Von D: Show Me Lol

Example: Will you consider changing your name to 'Von Dizzle?' :D

Von D: First it was a Joke between me and Riskotheque but now everybody is calling me it, especially during my USA tour, which is funny :-) i do like it. 

You can purchase Von D vinyl now at or check out his music on his soundcloud!

http://www.chemical-records.co.uk/sc/search?All=True&Category=AL&ND=-1&Sort=NI&inandout=both&Search=Roommate+%2f+Nib%E9

http://soundcloud.com/vond

Heres another addition to our arsenal of monthly features. Where did the sample come from? 

Each month we're going to take a popular tune and explain to you where its famous sample originates from.  We thought we'd kick off the series with the famous Eastern Jam.  Chase and status sampled the vocal for their legendary although now sadly overplayed Eastern Jam from the 2002 bollywood film "Devdas" which was in fact the third version of the film  and the first to be directed in colour. 

At the time of its release it was the most expensive bollywood film ever to be produced and was released in six alternative languages.  The film tells the story of how two childhood friends'  Paro and Devdas are seperated whilst young.   Paro lights a flame for the Devdas which she keeps ablaze for a number of years as a symbol for her love for him.  This scene is the one which Chase and Status sampled...

The entire song (which goes on longer than in the film scene is below... )