How to live without social media part 1...

In todays world of Blackberry's, Twitter, Facebook and the international information superhighway that is the internet.  Its hard to find down time and disconnect.  But don't stress.  I have discovered the answer. I know its hard to believe but there are alternatives.  The best years of your life don't have to be frittered away staring at at a news feed telling you the various movements or opinions of 900 or so aquantences who you dont even care about.  In this multi part guide to living without social media (its a work in progress) i will bring you exciting and innovative activities which can fill your day without even having to touch a keyboard.  

Activity 1.    BED DRINKING

What you will need...

    •    1 bed (preferrably double with a number of warm duvets)
    •    1 Partner (optional)
    •    1 device capable of playing DVD's back to back (preferably a laptop)
    •    Several Comedy DVD's or Youtube (beware youtube is only advised  if you have a good amount of self control)
    •    Copious amounts of alchohol. (I personally find Strongbow works best and it also has an extra tramp factor which most beverages fail to match)
    •    A nearby Toilet
    •    Gaff Clothing eg Jogging Bottoms, hoodies

What you need to do...

Pick a day where you haven't got much on.  I chose a sunday afternoon but you could use a day off, an evening in the week or if you're a student or musician any day of the year.      Use the afternoon to source your equipment. (you wont have got up until about 1 by the time youve slept in till about 12 and then spent an hour on Facebook chat or perusing your exes photographs until you almost start crying) Aim to have everything sorted by about 5-6 PM.   Make sure your cider is in a cool location within reach of your bed. I find the carrier bag you carried it home from the corner shop in works well for this. Also ensure that your laptop charger is within reach of your bed to save uneccesary calorie incineration later on (if youre planning on using a television and not a laptop ensure that the relevant remotes are close at hand).  Change into your comfortable lounge wear and get into bed.  At this point it is essential that you turn your mobile phone off and log out of all social media sites eg Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Linkedin, Tumblr, Digg anything along those lines.  Avoid any temptation to log back onto any of those sites until your bed drinking session has finished.   

     At this point begin to play the first of your comedy DVDs or get some stand up comedy on Youtube.  Start with something like Live at the Apollo for example and keep opening tabs from the related videos section.   Once your video based entertainment is playing open your first can of cider and take a hearty swig.  Be careful when lying down that the first swig will almost always result in you spilling some on your face. Something which i have failed to learn throughout my Bed Drinking career.    Continue to drink cider and watch Videos until you feel intoxicated.  Id recommend you keep going for around 6 hours.  At which point you should probably pass out.  It is VERY important that you dont drink any other sort of beverage such as water or Ribena before you pass out otherwise you will not wake up around 4am feeling an incredible need for moisture in your desert like mouth. (Which is the best bit).  You should wake up fresh faced the next morning ready to get back on your profiles to see what you missed.   Or if your feeling adventourous try and stay off them for as long as you can and enjoy the feelings of withdrawal as they wash over you. Also if anyone tries to call you a skank for lying in bed and drinking cider then tell them kindly yet firmly to get fucked they probably have a "Hair Do", wear their school shoes seven days a week even though they're at uni and spent all last night prancing around with their mates drinking VKs and singing along to Basshunter in between snorting creotine in the toilets every 20 minutes, not only that but they paid to do it and if that wasnt shameful enough they then went straight home and proudly tagged themselves in the narcissistic visual evidence.  At least you had some dignity.